Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

DECEMBER 13, 1999: 

Rob Schneider is the title character, a goofy, good-hearted naïf who starts renting out his body to make some extra bucks. And that's the long and the short (very short) of it.
Prediction: I wouldn't even shell out the price of a movie ticket to spend a night with Schneider.
Probable Entertainment Value: D

Stephen King's serial novel of the same name was a haunting tale of a 1935 Death Row head guard who runs head-on into a brutal miracle in the form of giant, gentle killer. This is the big-screen adaptation with Tom Hanks, Michael Clarke Duncan, and Harry Dean Stanton, directed by Frank Darabont, the same man who adapted King's The Shawshank Redemption. Oh, and you may have seen some of the cast and crew when it was filmed round these parts last year.
Prediction: With Hanks, how could one possibly go wrong?
Probable Entertainment Value: A

The young Sarah Polley falls for the older Stephen Rea who introduces her to "a world of possibilities she's never imagined." And, I'll bet, "possibilities" could get him thrown in the state pen.
Prediction: The cast is pretty hot, with Polley, Rea, Gina Gershon (though Snoops should best be forgotten), Jean Smart, and Jasmine Guy. But can first-time director Audrey Wells pull this off without making it into a modern Lolita-ville?
Probable Entertainment Value: C

The real Lucie Aubrac was a French Resistance fighter whose husband was tossed in jail by the Gestapo when he blew up one train trestle too many. Aubrac then spends the rest of her life trying to spring him. This is a movie based on her memoirs—but isn't a war movie in the classic sense; rather, it's a love story set on a war canvas.
Prediction: When the Guru emailed a buddy who had seen it, said buddy just kept comparing it to Casablanca. That can't be all bad, can it?
Probable Entertainment Value: B

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