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Film Clips
NOVEMBER 30, 1998:
 CELEBRITY. Remember Woody Allen? Well he's back...in Kenneth
Branagh form! Branagh plays Woody down to the last tick and hiccup
in this rehash of Stardust Memories. Consistently entertaining
and occasionally funny, Celebrity is the story of a screenplay
writer who leaves his wife and gets obsessed with a much younger
woman, begging the question, Where does the endlessly creative
Mr. Allen get the ideas for his films? Woody is at his funniest
when he's drawing from his infinitely deep well of hatred, and
here he gets good effect from his distaste for ordinary people,
using the terms "dentist," "salesman" and
"antique dealer" as though they were deeply derogatory.
Luckily, he also lets fly with his hatred of artists, actors,
and directors, leaving, as far as I can tell, only writers and
editors amongst the chosen people. If he could just eliminate
editors he'd have it perfect. Bebe Neuwirth, Judy Davis, Isaac
Mizrahi, Melanie Griffith, Hank Azaria, Leonardo DiCaprio, Famke
Janssen, Joe Mantegna, Winona Ryder, Charlize Theron, and even
Andre Gregory show up here, just so they can say that they were
in a Woody Allen film. The cinematography is by Sven Nykvist,
easily one of the two or three greatest cinematographers of all
time, though he never does his best work when he's shooting for
Woody. (Check out his imagery in Pretty Baby, What's
Eating Gilbert Grape or any Bergman film from the '60s to
see why his drooling fans refer to him as "master of darkness,
master of light.") --DiGiovanna
GADJO DILO. How many times have you searched in vain for
a fresh, derogatory term for white people? Well, search no more,
because now you can add "gadjo" to that delightful list
that includes honky, haole, and ofay. "Gadjo Dilo,"
which is Romani for "Crazy-Ass White Motherfucker,"
is a meandering film about a young French man who moves in with
a group of gypsies while searching for the mysterious Nora Luca.
Seems Nora Luca is a gypsy singer, and, for no apparent reason,
this crazy-ass white boy is obsessed with finding her. He doesn't,
but he does get a taste of gypsy life, which apparently revolves
around telling other people to place their mouths on your genitals...everyone
from the tiniest children to the wizened elders seems to do this
at least 10 times a day. Gadjo Dilo is either a moving
and accurate portrait of life amongst the Romanian gypsies, or
just two plotless hours with intermittent scenes of hot sex, great
music and eye-catching costumes. In French, Romanian and Romani,
with English subtitles, and, for no known reason, Italian credits--I
kid you not. --DiGiovanna
MEET JOE BLACK. That's right, Brad Pitt plays Death in
Meet Joe Black. Imagine The Seventh Seal remade
as a three-hour episode of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood and
you might get some idea of how pretentious, repetitive, and boring
this movie is. What happens is this: Death comes to earth for
a vacation, where he falls in love with a strange, wealthy, young
woman (Clair Forlani), a doctor who can't stop squinting. Her
father is Anthony Hopkins, and he is stinking rich, and quite
understandably does not want his daughter to marry Death. All
this occurs within a leisurely three-hour time frame. Somewhere
in there is the least sexy sex scene from a non-porno movie ever,
featuring super close-ups of the pores on Brad Pitt's nose. This
reviewer recommends you stay home and clean the grout between
your tiles with a toothbrush. You'll have a better time. --Richter
VERY BAD THINGS. This is a comedy, though you wouldn't
know it from the first hour. Death, puddles of blood, dismemberment,
and ritual burial of the dead are all treated as potential gags
here--you know, as in: "Ha, ha, look, those white boys just
killed that Asian hooker! What a hoot!" Very Bad Things
is billed as a dark comedy, but it's probably better described
as a sick comedy grafted on to a thriller. It's sort of as if
Kenny were killed over and over again during a single episode
of South Park, but with more lifelike blood and no jokes
between deaths, plus that vague feeling of Hitchcock hovering
nearby. Most of Very Bad Things is too gross to be fun,
and too silly to be a real thriller. The script has the feel of
something written by a snotty 22-year-old boy, though it was penned
and directed by Chicago Hope star Peter Berg, who I suppose
only thinks like a snotty 22-year-old boy. Cameron Diaz gets a
chance to parody her usual role as the perfect girlfriend, but
her appearance is too brief and too late to save this movie from
its own juvenile meanness. Some young people will probably enjoy
this movie, but when they grow older they'll be embarrassed by
that fact. --Richter
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