Weekly Wire
Austin Chronicle Mr. Smarty Pants

By Mr. Smarty Pants

NOVEMBER 22, 1999: 

Former president Ronald Reagan is credited with saving 77 lives when he worked as a lifeguard.


In Michigan, an Oakland University freshman was recently kicked out of school after being spotted with a plastic squirt gun sticking out of his pants.


A "pager" is Spanish/Portuguese slang for a person who masturbates in a car. Strangely enough, there is a car marketed under that name in Europe.


Pizza Hut is planning to place an ad on a Russian proton rocket for a shot to supply the International Space Station. To make a Pizza Hut ad visible from the moon, the project would cost hundreds of millions of dollars, and the ad would need to be the size of Texas to make it legible.


Ostriches really don't stick their heads in the ground when danger looms.


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