Old Haunts
By Laura Furman
OCTOBER 27, 1997:
Years ago, when I was living in Upstate New York, I knew two poets who rented
a gothic cottage in a nearby town. The faded white house with black shutters and
high-peaked gables was misplaced in a neighborhood of Plain Jane saltboxes. It looked
like the witch's house in a children's book about snow, and should have been alone
on its hill overlooking the river.
The two poets were in the little town for the year: He had a grant; she was a waitress
at a restaurant 20 miles away. In between shifts her desk grew cluttered with rubber
stamps and bottles of colored ink. Sometimes she came up with a glorious lyric, sometimes
a decorated postcard. His work was heavier, the very lines of his poems shaking the
house as he did when he walked from room to room. Both tall, they seemed a little
large for the cottage.
They came for dinner to my house 12 miles out in the country, or I went to theirs.
When he drank he liked to argue, and I saw him less as the winter wore on. She came
to my house, or I visited her at the restaurant.
It snowed a lot that winter. When she returned from waitressing between 2 and
3am, she drank herbal tea to calm herself from cigarettes and wine. Often she thought
she heard someone at their bedroom window and went outside to check. No one was ever
there.
She found a stack of drawings in the back of her closet, the kind of fashion sketch
that summarizes the line and intention of an outfit. On the wall of their bedroom
was a framed newspaper clipping about a fashion show, with a name underlined in ball-point
pen. The house was owned by the nephew of a dress designer who'd retired there with
her husband; he'd died, then so had she. The poets quarreled. He wanted to put the
drawings in the basement and take the clipping off the wall. She said they had no
right.
She caught a cold and didn't work for a few weeks. One night he was bringing her
tea when they both heard someone outside the bedroom window. It was the cat, he said,
and opened the front door but the cat didn't come bounding in.
The next morning she bundled herself up, and left a trail of footprints behind
her in the new-fallen snow. Outside their window she saw footprints as if someone
had stood there, but there was no trail leading to or away from the window. When
she didn't get better, she went to the doctor a few blocks away. In between coughs
she told him where she was living.
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illustration by Penny Van Horn
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The doctor had heard all about the woman and her house from the old doctor who'd
been in practice in the town forever. She was a drinker and got the blues the way
some people did. The old doctor told her that if she was thinking of suicide, to
do it outside and save a god-awful mess for other people. It was advice he often
gave to get people to shape up. She shot herself outside her bedroom, and was found
by the neighbors in no time at all.
When their lease was up, my friends moved back to the city, and eventually the
house was bought by people who painted it cream with black trim and added windowboxes
to all the windows, red geraniums, lobelia, and white petunias in summer. I don't
know if the ghost showed herself to them.
I'd like to know what the woman outside the bedroom window wanted. Sometimes ghosts
don't know they're dead, I'm told, and so they stay in place. Or maybe they're like
the rest of us, living haunters of real estate, traveling in our dreams to familiar
bedsides and windows. There are no ghosts where I live now. Sometimes in the woods
I turn, sure that someone is there, but it's the shifting light or the movement of
a deer, and it feels final, a feeling you never get when you're haunted.
Laura Furman is a novelist and short story writer who lives in Austin. She teaches
in the English Department at the University of Texas at Austin.
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