Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

OCTOBER 5, 1998: 

Pi (R)
Max Cohen proves the old adage that really smart people go insane in the most interesting ways. He has himself convinced that the stock market can be explained with a mathematical formula and, when he is on the precipice of a solution, a Kabbalah sect and a Wall Street firm do their darndest to stop him.
Prediction: Can you hear that? It's the buzz that surrounds this movie and director Darren Aronofsky. And it just keeps getting louder and louder and louder.
Probable Entertainment Value: A

Worker ant Z-4195 (Woody Allen) falls in love with the sexy princess Bala (Sharon Stone) but the odds of this drone winning the heart of royalty are as small as these DreamWorks/PDI computer-generated critters. Allen, I mean Z, learns a lesson or two about individuality and heroism. Does anyone else see the irony?
Prediction: Directors Eric Darnell and Tim Johnson have lined up an astounding amount of vocal talent, from Ann Bancroft and Jane Curtain to Christopher Walken and John Mahoney. This flick will also look amazing. Kids will line up, but will their parents?
Probable Entertainment Value: B

Good lord, someone dusted off Richard Grieco and stuck him in a movie based on a lame (are there any other kind?) Saturday Night Live skit. Will Shannon Doherty be next?
Prediction: The Guru would rather have a root canal without Novocain than be forced to sit through this drivel.
Probable Entertainment Value: D

Jonathan Pryce is Rivers, a 1917 Scottish doctor assigned the dubious task of putting soldiers' shattered minds back together so that they can become cannon fodder once again. British poet Siegfried Sasson is one of his patients and, as both discover, sometimes silence isn't golden.
Prediction: Have you heard of this movie? Should that be an indication of its quality? Oh, the moral quandaries the Guru faces.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

Chris Nielsen (Robin Williams) dies and wakes up in the afterlife. Albert (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) takes him on the nickel tour and explains how the whole death thing works, including the bit about Chris' wife not being allowed up for conjugal visits. Will Chris be able to exist without his soul mate?
Prediction: It looks gorgeous. Seriously. It's a shame that this theme has been explored eight gazillion (yes, I counted) times before.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

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