Weekly Wire
Weekly Alibi Odds & Ends

By Devin D. O'Leary

SEPTEMBER 15, 1997: 

Dateline: Hong Kong--A 4-foot, 6-inch man was acquitted of murder charges for killing his favorite prostitute after she called him a "bloody dwarf." The court handed down a lesser sentence of manslaughter caused by provocation. Apparently, the prostitute had bled the man of HK$80,000. When his money ran out she called him a "bloody dwarf." He responded by stabbing her in the heart, cutting her head off and scattering her parts in garbage bins. Hey, if the shoe fits ...

Dateline: Greece--Late last month, an actor portraying Judas in the musical Jesus Christ Superstar hanged himself on stage and expired in front of more that 500 people during a live performance. Anthony Wheeler, 26, of England was among a troop of British actors performing the musical at a resort hotel on Greece's Chalkidiki peninsula. For some unknown reason, Wheeler failed to attach a safety harness for the "hanging scene." It took fellow actors more than five minutes to realize that Wheeler had not reappeared after his climactic scene.

Dateline: Spain--The small town of Bunol celebrated its famous Tomatina Festival last Wednesday. Dumptrucks unloaded 137 tons of ripe tomatoes onto the town's crowded streets. An estimated 30,000 celebrants then proceeded to pelt each other with the fruit in the one-hour event, turning the streets of Bunol into a thick river of marinara.

Dateline: Arizona--Five "bounty hunters" are likely to face murder charges after storming a house in suburban Phoenix at 4 a.m. and gunning down the young couple inside. The bounty hunters apparently thought a bail jumper worth $25,000 was hiding inside. He wasn't.

Dateline: New York--Mark Gruenwald, a longtime writer and editor for Marvel Comics, died recently at age 42 of a heart attack. In accordance with the will, Gruenwald's ashes will be mixed with ink and used in the printing of the soon-to-be-released Squadron Supreme book, a superhero comic that Gruenwald wrote and
created.

Dateline: Kentucky--A neurologist at The University of Kentucky is warning his fellow Southerners against eating squirrel brains. The researcher has allegedly found a link between squirrel brains and mad cow disease in at least three patients. Squirrel brains are most commonly eaten with scrambled eggs or in a Southern U.S. stew called "Burgoo." ... Lemme get this straight: You have to tell people not to eat squirrel brains.

Dateline: Iowa--English is obviously a second language at one school in Iowa City. Some 137 civil and mechanical engineering students received diplomas from the "Univeristy" of Iowa this summer. A typo on the document slipped past school officials, who admitted last week they were "terribly embarrassed." For the benefit of those who've graduated from the U. of I., it's u-n-i-v-e-r-s-i-t-y.

--Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary


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