By Devin D. O'Leary

AUGUST 4, 1997: 

Dateline: Saudi Arabia--Middle East satellite operator Arabsat says that it will not reconsider its decision to dump the France Telecom Channel from its programming. Seems that FTC accidentally beamed a porno movie to the entire Arabic world last Saturday, which didn't exactly sit well with Islamic officials. The French company blamed a technical error for the bawdy satellite beam.

Dateline: Russia--In an attempt to bolster the sagging morale of Russian soldiers--most of whom haven't been paid in months--Russian generals recruited a Playboy model to inspire the troops. Twenty-one-year-old Dana Borisova hosts a military television show called "Armyeisky Magazin" ("The Army Shop"), in which she poses in army fatigues atop Russian tanks and fires AK-47 rifles. The Russian Army may not have enough rations to eat, but at least they've got some fine television programming to distract them from their woes.

Dateline: Virginia--Convicted rapist, killer and death row inmate Joseph O'Dell was married last Wednesday to Boston University law student Lori Urs. O'Dell, 54, declared it "the happiest day of my life." Several hours later, O'Dell was executed by lethal injection.

Dateline: Alabama--On June 26, drug dealer Shondra Olive was killed in Ridgefield, Ala., when a grenade accidentally went off and decapitated the woman. The first State Trooper on the scene, Clayton Taylor Jr., described the pool of blood that surrounded Olive's torso as "none other than a silhouette of the forgiving Virgin Mary praying over the victim's head." Two county coroners apparently concurred. Since then, dozens of faithful followers have been gathering outside the house hoping to catch a glimpse of the "Bloody" Mary. Church officials in Ridgefield have filed an injunction with the county magistrate hoping to save the crack house-turned-shrine from demolition.

Dateline: California--It seems that the Teamsters Union is a little miffed at Mills College. In order to clear off thorny underbrush on its 135-acre Oakland campus, the private women's school employs 500 greenery-munching goats for two weeks a year. Teamster officials are now complaining that the animals are stealing jobs from human groundskeepers. The college says it "remains committed to fair employment practices across the species."

Dateline: California--Roman Felix Kasprzcki was arrested last Saturday for investigation of assault. Apparently a drunken Kasprzcki yanked open the oven door in his kitchen at his Santa Monica, Calif., home as the 51-year-old woman he lives with was cooking a pot roast. The roast fell out of the oven and burned his bare feet. An enraged Kasprzcki walked across the apartment and began choking his roommate. The woman was not seriously hurt, and Kasprzcki was treated for second degree burns on his feet at a nearby hospital.

• Teamsters Union

• Mills College