Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

JULY 27, 1998: 

Anyone who has seen any of The Stepford Wives saga will have already seen most of Disturbing Behavior. New kid Steve moves to Cradle Bay, a town where the other high-school kids are frighteningly well-behaved. He hooks up with the town outcasts while the school shrink slowly convinces Steve's parents that a small surgical procedure can cure all of their teen's angst, again proving that parents can't control their kids without medical intervention.
Prediction: James Marsden, who has become something of a heart-throb, stars, which is a good thing because he actually can act. This horror flick will attract mobs of high-school girls, all of whom will squeal when he is on-screen. It could be an interesting parable about alienation for the adult set. But probably not.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

MAFIA! (PG-13)
The Cortino crime family is a bunch of bumbling losers, which is to be expected in a movie directed by Airplane! and Naked Gun's Jim Abrahams. Stars Olympia Dukakis (who apparently isn't as high-brow as we thought), Jay Mohr, Lloyd Bridges, and Christina Applegate.
Prediction: You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll wonder why you just paid five bucks for this drivel.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Is saving one man worth risking the lives of eight? Director Steven Spielberg (yes, that Steven Spielberg) will wrestle with this quandary while Tom Hanks, as Captain Miller, slogs through the muck and misery of World War II. Also stars a who's who of young male talent like Edward Burns, Matt Damon, Tom Sizemore, and Jeremy Davies.
Prediction: It's about decency and humanity, two abstract concepts that seem to have gotten lost during 1998's summer movie season. With this stellar line-up, Private Ryan should be the biggest hit of the summer, even though the explosions aren't generated by space debris.
Probable Entertainment Value: A

Victor Joseph has been estranged from his father for more than a decade. One day, absent dad dies and Joseph decides to travel from Idaho's stark Coeur d'Alene Indian Reservation to Phoenix to collect his pop's ashes. He travels with his dorky best friend and learns some universal life lessons along the way.
Prediction: This is the first major motion picture written by, directed by, and starring American Indians, a sorry comment on the Hollywood system. Smoke Signals won the Sundance Film Festival audience award and the hearts of everyone who has seen it.
Probable Entertainment Value: A

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