Weekly Wire
Weekly Alibi Very Personal

By Norma Jean

JULY 27, 1998:  Many suffer from core beliefs crushed into our subconscious since birth regarding the nature of relationships, marriage and social structures. One big belief is: "If my partner really loves me he/she wouldn't want to be sexual with anyone else." The second: "If I'm a good wife/husband and lover my partner will be satisfied and not seek satisfaction elsewhere." The third assumption is basic: "People can't love more than one person at a time." All are false according to those who pioneer new horizons in loving.

Polyamory isn't synonymous with sex addiction. Certain people are truly able to love more than one person, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Some manage relationships with lovers of the same sex as well as another man/woman and a spouse. During years spent socializing and in intimate communication with hundreds of people in the community, it's apparent to me that there are individuals who blossom in more than one relationship at the same time. As a matter of fact, these people claim that it's exactly because of open relationships that they're able to expand their capacities to love.

Choosing intimate communion with more than one may take years of fumbling, experimentation, true intimacy and total honesty for many and isn't a simple life choice. Monogamy's the only way we're taught, so to elect the alternative without all the boogie people in one's mind and life condemning and over-analyzing such a radical choice isn't the most attractive or easy solution. We all dream of a "one and only" but as years pass, we come to realize this quest is more myth than reality. Perhaps loving more is an answer.

Women and men who love each other deeply still find themselves extremely attracted to another while neither speaking, acting nor allowing their needs to become fully conscious. Sex is one thing, but what's being discussed here is grander than lust.

Polyamory's hard work requiring hard ball honesty about the complexities of one's needs. Loving deeply with total commitment brings the best times with another human, no doubt, yet there comes a time when one yearns to feel super-charged again with someone other than one's spouse. Keys to surviving the inevitable are courage and extraordinary communication skills. The question, "What will change between us if we expand our loving to others?" is the stumbling block for most. Enormous hurdle number two is jealousy and the complexities of ancient insecurities, fearing loss of love and competition.

In article printed in Loving More magazine, a publication dedicated to inquiry into multiple loves and expanded sexuality, a woman states, "Loving others has expanded the boundaries of my heart, enabling me to give and receive more love than I previously could have imagined. Going through my own process of fear and insecurity has given me great compassion for the struggles that the people I love go through. I'm more patient, more willing to work hard, more committed to this journey than ever, and deeply moved by the courage of those with whom I share this path. For me loving more is part of my spiritual work."

For more about Loving More: New Models for Relationships,call (303) 543-7540, e-mail: Brett@lovemore.com or visit www.lovemore.com.

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