July 21, 1997:Darkness (1992)Wichita homeboy (man!
finally got to say "homeboy") Leif Jonker produced,
wrote and directed this ultra-low-budget gorefest about vampires
on the loose in the Midwest, and despite a few gripes, it's a
"Videodrome" fave. We open in a gas station/convenience
store, where a blood-drenched teenster enters, screaming and hollering
like a crazed ape. Grabbing a cop's gun, he proceeds to blow his
own head off. Seconds later, he jumps up and bites the hell out
of the cop, and a bloodbath ensues. One customer survives by hiding
behind the two-liter soda bottles. Sufficiently traumatized by
the carnage on display, this fellow becomes a vampire hunter,
setting out with shotgun and (appropriately enough) two-liter
bottles of holy water in a never-ending quest to stomp a mudhole
in the collective ass of bloodsucking hellspawn wherever they
may roam. After chainsawing a few vampires in an abandoned house,
he stumbles across a group of '80s Mall-Rocker-Teens who've had
their own problems with the undead, and they join forces. Jonker
(who sold his blood to help finance the flick) is nursing a serious
John Carpenter jones here, and it shows--one big difference being
that Carpenter can afford a light kit so we can actually
see the action (it ain't called Darkness for nothin').
My biggest complaint about the movie is the plethora of teenage
non-actors in all the roles--the lead vampire is some S.C.A.-lookin',
Magic-the-Gathering-playin' cheeseball who's nowhere near as frightening
as he thinks he is (I can hear Jonker now: "Hey, let's cast
Randy, he's got that cool trenchcoat"), and the movie never
really overcomes their amateurish acting (it's tough to be afraid
of a buncha vampires who look like they spilled ketchup on themselves
at a high school football game). However, the blood spews beyond
measure, and Jonker obviously harbors some real talent. Give this
guy some money, some actors and a better script, and I think he
could give us a real buttocks-clencher of a horror flick. (Film
Threat)
The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave (1971)
This spaghetti-bendin' "psychological thriller" contains
all the elements to make it a must-see, but for cryin' out loud
does it seem to go on forever. Anthony Steffen (Antonio DeTeffe)
plays Sir Richie of Cunningham or some damn thing, who brings
a lovely hooker home to his rundown mansion. She's appalled by
the filthy state of the place and wants to leave, but the instant
she enters a clean room, she starts shucking her clothes. Antonio
takes her to his torture dungeon, where she says, "It's not
uncommon for a man to want to do strange things to get his kicks."
Antonio yells at her to "put that whip down--and put those
boots on," then straps her to a table and comes at her with
a red-hot branding iron. Before he can mark her as a prostitute,
though, his dead wife Evelyn starts yapping at him, and
he wigs out, finally murdering the hooker. As things progress
in their typically rambly Italian way, we discover that Antonio
may have murdered Evelyn due to her perceived infidelities and
is now slaughtering redheads to make himself feel better--or maybe
not, because this sucker has more twists than a can of rotini,
and I was never sure what the hell was going on. Aside from the
much-beloved atrocious dubbing, we also get a stripper in a coffin,
shots framed through weird lamps, tons of nudity and Antonio's
battalion of blond-afroed maids who bring him warm milk! I'd watch
it if I were you. (Something Weird Video)
Videodrome
July 21, 1997:
Darkness (1992) Wichita homeboy (man!
finally got to say "homeboy") Leif Jonker produced,
wrote and directed this ultra-low-budget gorefest about vampires
on the loose in the Midwest, and despite a few gripes, it's a
"Videodrome" fave. We open in a gas station/convenience
store, where a blood-drenched teenster enters, screaming and hollering
like a crazed ape. Grabbing a cop's gun, he proceeds to blow his
own head off. Seconds later, he jumps up and bites the hell out
of the cop, and a bloodbath ensues. One customer survives by hiding
behind the two-liter soda bottles. Sufficiently traumatized by
the carnage on display, this fellow becomes a vampire hunter,
setting out with shotgun and (appropriately enough) two-liter
bottles of holy water in a never-ending quest to stomp a mudhole
in the collective ass of bloodsucking hellspawn wherever they
may roam. After chainsawing a few vampires in an abandoned house,
he stumbles across a group of '80s Mall-Rocker-Teens who've had
their own problems with the undead, and they join forces. Jonker
(who sold his blood to help finance the flick) is nursing a serious
The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave (1971)
This spaghetti-bendin' "psychological thriller" contains
all the elements to make it a must-see, but for cryin' out loud
does it seem to go on forever. Anthony Steffen (Antonio DeTeffe)
plays Sir Richie of Cunningham or some damn thing, who brings
a lovely hooker home to his rundown mansion. She's appalled by
the filthy state of the place and wants to leave, but the instant
she enters a clean room, she starts shucking her clothes. Antonio
takes her to his torture dungeon, where she says, "It's not
uncommon for a man to want to do strange things to get his kicks."
Antonio yells at her to "put that whip down--and put those
boots on," then straps her to a table and comes at her with
a red-hot branding iron. Before he can mark her as a prostitute,
though, his dead wife Evelyn starts yapping at him, and
he wigs out, finally murdering the hooker. As things progress
in their typically rambly Italian way, we discover that Antonio
may have murdered Evelyn due to her perceived infidelities and
is now slaughtering redheads to make himself feel better--or maybe
not, because this sucker has more twists than a can of rotini,
and I was never sure what the hell was going on. Aside from the
much-beloved atrocious dubbing, we also get a stripper in a coffin,
shots framed through weird lamps, tons of nudity and Antonio's
battalion of blond-afroed maids who bring him warm milk! I'd watch
it if I were you. (Something Weird Video)
