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By Lola

JULY 13, 1998: 

Dear Lola,

I think relationships suck. It's not because I haven't had one that has worked (I was in a relationship for two years, I know what it's like), and it's not because I haven't found someone I'm attracted to (there are many women of whom I am fond). But relationships make everything seem different with the world. I've noticed that when I'm not in a relationship I'm more productive, more even-tempered, much more friendly and open to meeting people. I've also noticed that when I'm in a relationship, I tend to draw inward, to want to spend time only with the person in my life, to think about nothing and no one else, and I don't want to meet anyone new because I already have the one I want (at least for that period of time that we are together). Being in a relationship feels like operating on a different plane of existence, like having this amazing secret that you want to tell everyone about but they just don't understand, and at the inevitable end of it, it feels like being thrown down to earth from somewhere around the mesosphere. Everything becomes dreary and drab and you realize that relationships suck and you don't want to go through it again. Until the next time. Why does it have to be like that? I'm a nice guy, I'm in my early 30s, healthy, not rich, but I'm comfortable. I keep meeting these women who just want to use me. Buy me dinner, buy me this, buy me that. They don't ever do anything for me, why should I continually do for them? Is that what's going to happen when it comes to having sex? Well, honestly, that is what happens when it comes to having sex, it's all about what they want. Do this, do that, don't do that! It's like reading the dos and don'ts of bass fishing. I think I've finally decided to give up and just stay single. It'll probably be a lot easier and much healthier in the long run. - Singular and Proud

Dear Lonely and Losing It,

Far be it from me to discuss the merits of finding your one true love, I don't even think such a thing exists. But, you shouldn't cut yourself off from your fellow loved-and-lost losers. It happens to everyone; you need to get over it and get real. Don't think that just because you've met a couple of women who are materialistic and self-centered that they're all that way. I can virtually guarantee that at least 5 percent of the female population on the planet (of dating age and single) are actually nice women looking to meet decent guys. Just because you've been in one semi-long-term relationship, don't think you really know what's going on. Two years isn't long enough to have gotten a college degree; how can you possibly think you know anything about relationships. All you know about is how long it takes for your sex drive to dwindle.

It should be a proven fact that more people survive plane crashes every year than survive relationships. Write to Lola c/o FW Weekly, 1204-B W. 7th St., FW, TX 76102. E-mail: lola@fwweekly.com

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