Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

MAY 3, 1999: 

Sean Connery is the world's greatest art thief. Some of the world's greatest art disappears and this Scottish sex symbol is fingered. Insurance adjuster Catherine Zeta-Jones sets out to catch him, using her feminine wiles and sticky fingers. The two chase each other all over the globe, ensuring that the scenery will simply be stunning—the actors, not the locales.
Prediction: Connery calls this "a good yarn, with wit, and an intriguing romantic element that puts a real sting in the tale." He should know; he's been in almost every movie since the dawn of time.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

A 17-year-old slacker's right hand is taken over by a malevolent force that yearns for blood. The hand kills his parents. The hand fondles the next door neighbor. The hand steals some cash. Or so he says. But we all know how shifty teenage boys can be...
Prediction: Should be scary. Should be funny. Should be what every kid on summer break yearns to see.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

A bunch of people look for love in Los Angeles: Gena Rowlands and Sean Connery! Gillian Anderson and Jon Stewart! Madeleine Stowe and Anthony Edwards! Angelina Jolie and Ryan Phillippe! And then oh what the hell—let's throw in Dennis Quaid, Jay Mohr, and Ellen Burstyn (though not necessarily with each other).
Prediction: At this rate, each character will have approximately 15 minutes to fall in love. Can't wait to feel the passion. (But Jolie sure has great lips, eh?)
Probable Entertainment Value: C

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