Weekly Wire
Weekly Alibi Holy Gangbangers!

By Cap'n O

MAY 4, 1998:  The most enduring thing about the Catholic Church is its compassion. Throughout the centuries, Mother Church has shown mercy for prostitutes, drunks, thieves and all kinds of sinners. Wealthy people know that this limitless mercy can be tapped and the worst transgressions forgiven, with hefty monetary contributions. The Jew-killing Nazis got a break from the church in World War II. In recent years, the Archdiocese of Santa Fe continued that tradition by protecting priests who thought it fun to ejaculate on young boys.

Now, Archbishop Michael Sheehan is throwing the church's loving arms around vile gangbangers. The Big Holy One was outraged recently when the Santa Fe Public Schools banned certain types of gang-related clothing, including T-shirts picturing Our Lady of Guadalupe. Santa Fe officials say that Our Lady's image is popular among young killers. Like school administrators everywhere, the Santa Fe people want to limit gang influences in their schools.

But BHO Sheehan would have none of it. He huffed that this was an assault on the church and on religious beliefs and demanded an apology. Unfortunately, the Santa Fe Schools superintendent gave one.

It's too bad because Sheehan is an idiot and a hypocrite, and one should never apologize to a goof.

Instead of kneeling around, praying so much and constantly asking parishioners for money, Sheehan should get out of the chapel and into the real world. Gangbangers are thugs who kill and intimidate others. The punks use fear and violence to control others. They have no respect for the law, for human dignity or for life. They use clothing and symbols to mark their territory and identify themselves. One of their symbols is Our Lady of Guadalupe.

The Santa Fe ban has nothing to do with religious expression or the Catholic Church. It has to do with fighting an evil menace and keeping kids safe. To some people, it is the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe that holds significance--just her picture, not her message of hope and pride and certainly not her words. If the Santa Fe school district thought kids who wore that image to school were doing it to promote Christian attitudes of peace and harmony, the ban would never have existed.

Most schools in the nation have banned clothes with sports logos because the punks use them as symbols. This ban is an insult to idiots because only pathetic misfits identify with sports teams, but so far the nation hasn't risen up angry yet.

BHO Sheehan is also a huge hypocrite. He's furious that the public schools have banned certain types of clothing. "I think what happened shows an incredible lack of sensitivity to the religious values of many citizens," Sheehan said recently. How evil of those public schools! But Catholic schools do the very thing that Sheehan claims to be incensed over. Catholic school kids wear uniforms. That's a ban of every type of clothing but the approved uniform. Isn't this just a wee bit of a double standard?

Since Sheehan is so concerned about sensitivity, I'm sure he'll show some to the gang culture. The BHO should eliminate uniforms in Catholic schools. He should open up the schools to kids wearing baggy pants, leather jackets, bandannas and tattoos of the devil. This must be done because gang members consider it a religious ceremony to beat and kill innocent kids. And we must be sensitive to religious beliefs.

BHO's sensitivity for the gangbangers shouldn't stop at allowing them to wear the clothes they choose. He should let them bring guns, knives, pipes and even bombs into the Catholic schools. Forbidding them to do so would show a lack of sensitivity. To truly respect the gang culture, Catholic schools should eliminate religion classes and replace them with daily sessions where innocent people are beaten. Students who cause a victim serious brain damage could be rewarded with high grades. Young male gangbangers could be applauded for raping young girls. The schools can offer classes on how to slash tires, car interiors and throats. They could award diplomas in glaring, pouting and thievery.

Don't expect this to happen, though. The pious archbishop will continue to keep his schools closed to gang attire and violence while demanding that the public schools, in the name of religious sensitivity, embrace gangs.

This is despicable behavior, but hell, someone's got to uphold the Church's traditions.


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