Weekly Wire
Weekly Alibi Odds & Ends

By Devin D. O'Leary

APRIL 13, 1998: 

Dateline: Brazil--Rio de Janeiro daily paper O Dia reported last Thursday on the case of two would-be hijackers who tried to rob a crowded Brazilian bus using only a hair dryer. The makeshift pistol, apparently, did not produce the desired effect. One skeptical rider drew his own gun--a real one--and promptly shot both bandits, killing one.

Dateline: New Mexico--A Hobbs, N.M., high school student's science fair project has landed her in hot water with the U.S. government. The high schooler used her home computer to scan $1, $5, $10 and $20 bills. The bills were then reproduced on a PC printer and placed next to the real thing. The girl's science fair project on counterfeiting challenged students to compare the two bills and spot the fake. Unfortunately, the student also passed out samples and the Secret Service was called into town when a rash of the phony bills started popping up at area businesses.

Dateline: New York--Sometime during the last two weeks of March, an estimated 50 guinea pigs were mysteriously released into snowy Central Park. Fearing the spread of disease, park rangers quickly rushed to recover three dozen of the small rodents. The rest are assumed dead from cold or predators. The city is offering a $1,000 reward for information leading to the capture and conviction of the person responsible for the mass pig dumping.

Dateline: Pennsylvania--In a Reading, Pa., courtroom, a male and female inmate engaged in consensual sex in a 6-by-12 holding cell located a mere 10 feet from a working judge. Two other male prisoners were present at the time. The cellmaters were "reprimanded" by the judge.

Dateline: New Jersey--A Garden State man, 27, was arrested after stabbing his wife to death during an argument over another man. The newlywed couple had been hitched several hours earlier in a private ceremony. The argument took place during the couple's wedding reception while startled guests tried unsuccessfully to intervene.

Dateline: Michigan--Speaking of wedded bliss: A 39-year old man from Charlevoix, Mich., was sentenced to a month in jail after posting an Internet message urging men to call his estranged wife for phone sex.

Dateline: Texas--Undaunted by the failure of God to land in Garland, Texas, in a UFO last week, followers of the space-age guru Chen Heng-Ming have announced plans to move their cult to Michigan. There, says Chen, God will gather all worthy souls in a flying saucer and shuttle them to Gary, Ind., to save them from the coming nuclear holocaust. Chen had predicted that God would appear on channel 18 worldwide on the night of March 25 as a warm-up to his UFO landing the following week. God did not appear as scheduled. Though he originally acknowledged that his predictions could "now be regarded as nonsense," Chen did not admit failure. Following the Lord's ultimate no-show on March 31, Chen gave a crowd of followers, reporters, neighbors and police five minutes to decide whether or not to stone him to death. They did not. About 20 of Chen's followers now plan to return home to Vietnam, but most of the 160 members of the God's Salvation Church will follow Chen to Michigan.


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