Weekly Wire
Weekly Alibi Odds and Ends

By Devin D. O'Leary

MARCH 28, 2000:  Dateline: Kenya -- Dozens of worshippers at the Buru Buru Church of God in Nairobi were seriously injured when an all-out brawl erupted in the pews over church leadership. According to the Kenya Times, it took the intervention of police to stop part of the congregation from strangling a pastor appointed to take control of the divided church. "For over four hours, the congregation booed, insulted and heckled Reverend James Omumia," the newspaper said. Eventually, a free-for-all fist fight erupted, sending scores of faithful to nearby hospitals. The church has recently been divided into rival factions by a dispute over management after church elders dismissed some leaders on charges of financial irregularities.

Dateline: Kenya -- A group of unsatisfied Kenyan women stormed a police station in Kandara, north of Nairobi, last week, demanding that police offer them a little sexual satisfaction. Seems that the women, drawn from 24 Catholic churches in the area, were protesting the proliferation of local drinking dens which the women say have made their men impotent. "Our men have turned into vegetables. They leave home early and come back intoxicated. There is nobody to meet the sexual needs of wives," The People newspaper quoted one woman as saying. The horny housewives demanded that the officer in charge of the police station either order his men to make love to them immediately or find them new husbands. The paper did not say whether or not the police whipped out their nightsticks and complied with community demands.

Dateline: Poland -- Police in Poland chased an escaped circus tiger through the streets of Warsaw last Tuesday, but ended up killing a veterinarian who tried to help. Circus owners said three tigers appeared to have been deliberately released from their cages, perhaps by animal rights activists. Two of the beasts were quickly recovered, but a third eluded capture for more than two hours in a crowded Warsaw suburb. A local vet tried to shoot the tiger with a tranquilizing gun while it was trapped near a housing block just east of the capital city. Unfortunately, the animal turned on the vet. Police fired a volley of bullets, missing the Bengal tiger, but hitting the vet in the head. The 47-year-old vet died in the hospital. Warsaw police chief Kazimierz Winiecki said the death was an unfortunate accident and offered his condolences to the family. The tiger was later shot by the armed police officers.

Dateline: Texas -- Ponachi Wilkerson, 28, was on his way to death by lethal injection last Tuesday when, much to the surprise of prison officials, the convict spit a handcuff key out of his mouth. Wilkerson, who was sentenced to death for the November 1990 murder of a Houston jewelry store owner, tried to break out of death row in 1998 and took a prison guard hostage for 13 hours just last month. According to witnesses, Wilkerson was strapped to the gurney and was about to be injected when the warden asked if he had any final words. Texas Department of Criminal Justice spokesman Larry Todd told reporters that Wilkerson replied with four words. "The first word was 'key,' the second two words were not understandable and the last word was 'Wilkerson.' Then he spat out a handcuff key. The warden picked the key up." Fortunately for prison officials, the key did not fit the body shackles Wilkerson was wearing. An investigation has been launched to find out how the death row inmate obtained a handcuff key in the first place.

Dateline: Texas -- Four students at the Sunnybrook Christian Academy In San Antonio were suspended for attending a Backstreet Boys concert at the Alamodome last week. The students allegedly violated the school's policy against "involvement with inappropriate music." "They [the Backstreet Boys] have some good music," said school administrator Trudie Perez, "but some of the music, I have been told, has certain sexual references."

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