Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

MARCH 22, 1999: 

Ben Affleck has two days to get to his wedding in Savannah. His plane crashes, he saves the nubile Sandra Bullock's life, and the two go on a cross-country trip that tests Ben's marital resolve and intestinal fortitude through a series of romantic, wacky hijinks. What a fresh idea.
Prediction: Affleck and Bullock have a great chemistry, but will the constant will they/won't they wear thin after the first reel? You betcha.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Picture the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical. Now picture it animated, with the voices of Miranda Richardson, Ian Richardson, and Christiane Noll, and pitched to the family/happy meal toy market.
Prediction: Director Richard Rich is the veteran of many a Disney film and knows a thing or two about the animation biz. But can it compete with the skill and panache of the Disney pen-and-inkers? And does a '50s musical about the king of a long-gone country really speak to today's kid—even if it does have goofy animals?
Probable Entertainment Value: C

It's another gritty, wrong-side-of-the-law, British comedy. This one features lay-about East Enders who lose a lot of cash in a card game and have to turn to a life of crime to earn it back. With all of the cinematic British heroine addicts, scoff-laws, and strippers, it's a wonder anyone still has time to drink a proper cup of tea.
Prediction: It's got pretty good buzz but I have the nagging suspicion I've seen it before. Perhaps I'm confusing Lock with an episode of Upstairs/Downstairs.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

It's a thriller about cannibals, addiction, and greed set across the backdrop of the ante-bellum, frozen, bleak West. And we all get to discover if it is better to eat or be eaten—an idea simply ripe with raunchy puns that the Guru will avoid in order to keep this blurb PG. With Guy Pearce, Jeffrey Jones, David Arquette, and Robert Carlyle.
Prediction: Judging from the promo material, like themed beef jerky and some really gnarly illustrations, these are folks who don't take Donner and his ilk too seriously. Could be great, campy, spine-tingly fun. Or it could be simply nauseating.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

Clint Eastwood. A wrongly convicted killer on his way to the electric chair. And a ticking clock.
Prediction: Eastwood also directs, which can be a good thing—like Unforgiven—or a bad thing—like Bridges of Madison County. Which Clint will show up for True Crime?
Probable Entertainment Value: C

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