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MARCH 1, 1999:  What could possibly be geekier than having your own personal homepage? I mean, really. Once you've posted a picture of yourself from your high school yearbook, listed your top 10 favorite albums of all time and dedicated an entire page to "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" links, what more is there to do? Surely there's a higher plateau. Surely you can find an even greater waste of disk drive space.

Rest assured, Web fanatics, there is a level of techno-dorkism you have only dreamed of.

All you have to do is create a Web page for your pet. I'm not talking about a general information page about dog breeding or horse grooming or tropical fish tank cleaning. I'm talking about giving "Mr. Wigglebutt" or "Sir Barksalot" or "Muffikins" his or her own personal Web page. And you know what would make it even better? If you did the entire page as if your dog or cat or llama or whatever had actually written it him- or herself. Wouldn't that be so cute? You could even include a picture of your little Dalmatian puppy sitting at a desk with his paws on the computer keyboard. Oh, my God! Is that more precious than all the Beanie Babies in the world put together or what?

Now don't go fooling yourself that you're being original or anything. Yahoo has an entire category for "individual pet" pages. There are so many of them (mostly dogs) that Yahoo actually has to categorize by breed. You've got a hundred breeds to choose from at: http://dir.yahoo.com/Science/Biology/Zoology/Animals__Insects__and_Pets/Mammals/Dogs/Individual_Dogs/. Why, there are 14 individual dogs listed under dachshunds alone!

So, if you've got even more time on your hands than the people who program these pages, check out a few.

Agha the Cyberdog

(http://www.mit.soros.org.ba/~sch/Agha/)Agha is a self-proclaimed "cyberdog" from Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina. This computer-literate German Hunting Terrier apparently owns two humans, Pina and Zlatan. On his ludicrously slick home page, you can check out Agha's hobbies, which include digging, chewing, singing and staring. Click on any one of Agha's favorite activities, and you'll be greeted with photographic proof of the dog's love for said activity. A question and answer section with Agha reveals a disarming candor, but a weak grasp of the English language: "What experiments I performed? Well, I mostly tried to make love with cats, penguins, chairs, Zlatan's legs and bulldozers." Another section of Agha's home page claims that he is a famous "movie dog." Assorted movie posters (Casablanca, Breakfast at Tiffany's) show Agha staring over various stars' shoulders.

Endo-Rama! A Small Dog's Guide to San Francisco

(http://firehorseportfolio.com/endo/) Endo is a Toy Manchester Terrier--sort of a miniature Doberman pinscher with freakishly large bat ears. Endo, rather than touting dubious "appearances" in famous movies, is more of a civic-minded dog. This informative page features traveling hints, places to go and places to avoid in the city by the bay. Other small dogs would do well to heed Endo's advice, as the little dog and his master seem to have been kicked out of half the parks or stores in Frisco. Endo seems like a rather literate type and has avoided most of the silly puns and self-aggrandizing prose that most dogs choose to fill their personal Web pages with.

Robbie's Dog Fashion Site

(http://www.geocities.com/FashionAvenue/1050/)Robbie, some ratty little dog I'm sure I'd be annoyed with in real life, has chosen to plaster his Web site with photos of himself posing in assorted hideous doggie costumes. Calling himself a "dog super model," Robbie has no qualms about touting his own beauty and fashion sense. Based on the abundance of frilly pink outfits and pink satin sheets on display, I'm guessing that Robbie's owner is a really crazy old lady or a really lonely gay guy. Comments like, "You'll have every dog on the beach sniffing your bottom this summer if you strut your stuff in this eye catcher" have me leaning toward the latter. If you believe the counter on the bottom of this page, nearly 2 million people have checked out Robbie's little fashion show in the last year.

Purina: Create Your Dog's Own Home Page

(http://www.dogchow.com/aol/build/index.html)If you're really inspired by all this pet worship, you can create your own page right here, courtesy of the fine folks at Purina. There are hundreds more pet pages listed. You can browse through them alphabetically, or create one of your own to add to the insanity. All you have to do is register and answer a few questions. Not wanting to be left out (and not wanting to get Purina Dog Chow coupons on e-mail for the rest of my life), I used Alibi publisher Chris Johnson's name and e-mail address to create a home page for Chris' adorable (and entirely fictional) toy poodle, Windy. (Windy has digestive problems, you see.) After answering six entire pages of questions (all, ostensibly, to be answered by your dog), Windy's page was up and ready to go. Log onto Purina's Web page and you can find Windy's responses to such burning questions as "What do you enjoy most about being a dog?" and "Do you have any heroes?"

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