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Salt Lake City Weekly Sympathy for the Weasel

Lock up your supermodels: Mick Jagger and the Stones are in town, looking for love and (your) money.

By Bill Frost

FEBRUARY 8, 1999:  By now, everyone is vaguely familiar with Mick Jagger's marital problems: The 55-year-old lead singer of the Rolling Stones has been married to model/ actress Jerry Hall since 1990--they'd been lovers for more than a decade before the nuptials--and the spry Mickster has been getting satisfaction from twentysomething supermodels on the side.

His first post-marriage tryst to gain notice was with Italian model Carla Bruni; the latest is Brazilian model Luciana Morad, who is now allegedly preggers with Jumping Jack Trash's love child.

Hall let the affair with Bruni slide--after all, according to the tabloids, everyone has slept with her--but the news of Morad's condition was the final straw: Hall filed for divorce just as reports surfaced that Jagger allegedly paid Morad $96,000 to shut the hell up about the whole thing. Of course, Jagger and his team of lawyers vehemently deny the impregnation and the payoff.

Jagger also denies that the Stones haven't made a full, listenable album since 1978's Some Girls, so he's a compulsive liar and a transcontinental slut--a true Renaissance man.

Speaking of Some Girls, the Stones performed the title track at the kickoff date of the latest leg of their North American tour in Oakland, Calif., two weeks ago. "Some girls give me children/I only make love to them once," the song goes. Being the first show since the scandal broke, it was no coincidence that Mick and his rockin' cadavers pulled "Some Girls," a tune they rarely play live, out of the hamper.

Getting up sympathy for this weasel isn't easy. Jagger countered Hall's filing by claiming that their marriage, a quickie Hindu ceremony on the island of Bali, was never legal, so she couldn't touch his estimated $230 million fortune--including two homes in England, a townhouse in Manhattan, a chateau in France and a villa in the Caribbean.

That ought to make you think twice about plopping down $35 for a No Security T-shirt at the Rolling Stones show in the Delta Center tonight, huh?

Not that there will be a capacity crowd to peruse the merchandise: Even though it's been advertised for months, the show hasn't sold out. There are still tickets available for tough-to-swallow prices between $40 and $100.

Don't cry for them, Argentina, because the Stones have always whored themselves out to the highest-bidding sponsor--this year's logo belonging to casualwear hawker Tommy Hilfiger. Does this knock down the ticket price any? Not only no, but hell no. Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes--an American band that's taken the Stones' blueprint and made better music with it than the Stones have in 20 years--once said, "If you need Budweiser or someone to support you, then you have no business being on the road." How much money do these rock & roll raisins really need?

We all know that Keith Richards uses the cash for those weekly formaldehyde treatments, but what does ol' Rubber Lips spend his cut on? A certain $96,000 seems to be accounted for, but my theory is that Jagger blows a lot of change on young models in every city the Stones drag their walkers through.

So, I called up 10 Salt Lake City modeling agencies to inquire if anyone from the Rolling Stones Corporation had contacted them about providing service for Jagger while he was in town this week. Believe it or not, at least half of the receptionists put me on hold momentarily after responding with a mildly stunned, "Well, I'm not sure--let me ask someone, OK?"

Nine of the agencies said no dice, with one promising that they'd call me back if any of Jagger's "talent" scouts came sniffing around. No. 10 became a bit agitated over the mere idea: "We absolutely do not provide dates--no escorts, no lingerie or nude modeling, nothing like that. Our models do runway, promotional and product display work. No funny business."

I asked if they could help Jagger out at all if he called their agency: "If he needed someone to assist in selling CDs or some other merchandise on display, yes. For a demonstration or anything like that, we could work something out."

What if Jagger wanted a hot, young model to demonstrate how his zipper works--a la the Sticky Fingers album--while he sang "Start Me Up" backstage after snorting a few lines of Viagra? (Click, dial-tone buzzing ...)

What have we learned today on this Very Special Scene & Heard? If you're rich and famous--like, say, Mick Jagger, Bill Clinton, Deedee Corradini, etc.--you can get away with screwing anybody, anywhere, anytime. Of course, Jerry Hall can play the game too: She's hired the law firm of Mischon de Reya, the same legal sharks who procured Princess Diana's $23 million settlement from Prince Charles. Hall is planning on ripping Mr. Midnight Rambler a $50 million new one--you go, girl.

The downside is that such a financial blow may keep the Stones on the road indefinitely to pay the bills: You could see the Glimmer Twins--by then, just floating heads in leather-wrapped jars--playing Randy Horiuchi Stadium in Magna's metro on their 2014 world tour.

There simply are no winners in divorce.

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