Titanic Terror
What a mother feels when her boy loves football
By Margaret Renkl
FEBRUARY 7, 2000:
I have never in my life watched a football game. In high school, I
chatted with friends during actual play and watched with avid interest only
when the marching band was on the field. Not that I was much interested in
the band either, to be honest, but my boyfriend played French horn, and I
was very interested in my boyfriend.
Later in college, I never even set foot in the arena that was the crown
jewel of my small college town. I may be the only student in the history of
SEC football to spend each and every Saturday during four years of home
games not getting drunk in the university stadium but getting clothes
washed in the university laundromat.
My roommates would say, "But it's an amazing spectacle, a study in human
nature, the harmless American version of an epic Greek battle. It's
fun, for Christ's sake!" Still, I never went. Why should I risk
having stale beer barfed all over me by a sloshed frat boy when I could
have all the dryers to myself and finish my week's laundry in record time
instead?
Besides, the game itself is a little too close to an epic battle
for me. All those dangerous-looking men wearing clothes that make them look
even more thuggish, banging into each other and sweating and bleeding and
breaking each other's arms and legs and necks, and doing all these things
while thousands of people roar with approval. It's scary. Any time that
many people get together and cheer while other people beat each other up, I
get a little worried. I can hardly believe these cheering creatures belong
to the same species that invented the sonnet and the French horn and the
vaccine for polio. It makes me understand a little better how Hitler got
away with so much for so long and why slavery continued to exist in the
civilized world well into the 19th century.
Still, I have a warm place in my heart for Super Bowl Sunday because it
was on Super Bowl Sunday 14 years ago that I met the love of my life, the
man I would later marry and who eventually gave me three sons, little boys
I love so much I'm terrified they'll want to grow up to be football players
and risk getting their necks broken over whether or not a weird-shaped ball
ends up over a certain chalk line on a muddy field.
I may, in fact, have fallen in love with my husband the very instant I
met him because his first words to me were, "How come you're not watching
the Super Bowl either?" A guy reading poetry during the Super Bowl was
surely the guy for me.
Well, the poetry-reading grad student ended up being a good bet for all
kinds of reasons, but not, as it turns out, because he doesn't like
football. Unfortunately, he does like football and was only studying on
that particular Super Bowl Sunday because he happened to be facing
grad-school comprehensive exams, and not because he loved poems more than
he loved the gridiron. For him, a good play really does rank right up there
with a good sonnet.
He's passed this love affair with athletic competition on to his sons,
at least to the son who at eight is old enough to understand what's going
on.
"Hey, Mom, come watch with us," he called Sunday night as the Titans
were in the middle of their ultimately doomed second-half rally. Just as in
my college days, I was folding laundry in the next room when he ran in
during a commercial, the light of near-victory shining in his eyes. "Come
and watch, Mom; it's getting so exciting!"
"Thanks, honey, but I need to finish up here I think."
"But, Mom, there's only 26 seconds left in the quarter!"
"No thanks."
"But Mom! Twenty-six seconds! The Titans could tie it up in 26
seconds."
"Honey," I confessed, "I just don't like football."
"You don't like football?" he asked, puzzled.
"Nope."
He looked at me for a moment, the gears visibly whirring as he tried to
process this information. In his whole life I had never told him, not even
once, that something that fascinates him does not in fact fascinate me.
A dozen times I have feigned an interest in watching Luke Skywalker do
battle with Darth Vader, I've read aloud countless Hardy Boys mysteries I
pretended to find mysterious, and I've listened with rapt attention to
boring tales of elementary-school dramas that unfolded at the lunch table.
I have willingly listened to the same Raffi tape in the car so many times
I'm actually beginning to notice its internal rhyme structure and its
recurring themes.
And while my boy looked at me, trying to account for how he could like
something so much that his mother didn't like at all, I could
feel myself beginning to waver, to convert an entire lifetime of antipathy
to something like grudging acceptance. Would it really kill me to pretend
to like football, if only for his sake? Couldn't I give it 26 seconds, just
to please him, just because I know the day is coming when the very idea of
sitting on the sofa next to his mother during a football game will make him
want to die?
But then he just shrugged: "Okay."
As he was heading back into the living room, though, he turned around
and called, "Do you think we'll have time to read just one more chapter of
the Hardy Boys after the game is over?"
It was already long past his bedtime, but I smiled nonetheless: "Sure we
will."

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