Weekly Wire
Weekly Alibi The End is Nigh

By Devin D. O'Leary

JANUARY 19, 1999:  The approaching millennium--a phrase we're so sick of we almost hope the world is ending soon--provides juicy fodder for religious zealots, science fiction writers and other apocalypse enthusiasts. And as always, the Web is a hotbed for any crank messiah or wolf crier with enough wherewithal to learn a little html.

Countdown to Armageddon

(www.countdown.org)--At first glance, this site looks like something I might have dug in junior high: lots of pentagrams and even some groovy "666" wallpaper. In other words, it doesn't look like the work of a true religious nut; rather, it looks like it was programmed by some kid who thinks evil-looking religious imagery is somehow cool. But read on. This site really was created by lunatics--lunatics who believe that electronic banking and the Euro-dollar is equivalent to the mark of the beast, that we are all going to be implanted with microchips between our fingers and that rock 'n' roll is responsible for a 10 thousand percent increase in crime. On a positive note, we're reminded that even though most of us in the near future will be crushed to death by flaming meteors or gunned down in the street, Jesus--who is the son of God--is going to sweep down to apply salve to our wounds and guide us through perilous times. You just need to pray: "Dear Jesus, I ask that You come into my heart. Please forgive me for all the wrongs I've done, and give me Your gift of everlasting life. Help me to love You, and help me to share Your love and truth with others. Amen."

American Pie and the Armageddon Bible Prophecy Home Page

(web2.airmail.net/rotal2)--Don McClean as a minion of Satan? The song "The Day the Music Died," with its "American pie" chant, always got on my nerves, so sure--why the hell not? Or was he a wise prophet, channeling Moses to warn us of the world's imminent demise? According to webmaster Roy Taylor, McClean's song is actually the Song of Moses, which is detailed in chapter 32 of Deuteronomy. The evidence is convincing: If you look carefully on the jacket of the original Capitol Records 45, you'll find the words printed, "Yahweh Tunes Inc." Yahweh is the ancient name of God. Also on the jacket are the words "Mayday Music Inc." As we all know, "mayday" is used as an international signal of distress. Then of course there's the lyrics: "Bye, bye Miss American Pie/Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry/some good ol' boys were drinking whiskey and rye/singing, 'This'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die.'" Obviously, and in the words of the webmaster Taylor, 'American Pie' tells about the last decisive struggle between Christian America and all the heathen armies of the world, who will be gathered on America's doorstep and, according to the Bible, will invade America." To my knowledge, neither the United States of America nor Don McClean existed during biblical times. Plus, a reliable source tells me that the song is actually about the death of Buddy Holly. So fie on you, webmaster Taylor!

Armageddon: The Movie

(movies.go.com/armageddon)--Most of my searches for information about the apocalypse resulted in lists of fawning fan pages dedicated to Armageddon, last summer's Bruce Willis vehicle that gets my vote for worst movie of 1998. This page is the closest thing to an "official" Armageddon page, with info on how you can own a copy of the home video. The box office success of movies like Armageddon is probably the best evidence of mankind's pending destruction I've found so far.

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