Weekly Wire
Weekly Alibi Presumed Guilty

By Cap'n O

JANUARY 4, 1999:  Nikita Kruschev, or Nikiter as JFK called him, once pounded his hammy, vodka-bloated fist on a table and boasted that the evil commies would take America from within, or something like that. People here laughed at the gap-toothed Russian and figured he was angry because he hadn't had his daily ration of boiled potatoes and lard.

But Nikiter might not have been as goofy as people thought. Many people naively believe that we in the U.S. are immune from the forces of tyranny. We're not. For proof that we have Gestapo and KGB wannabes right here in America, and that if you don't watch out your freedoms will be systematically taken away, read this full text of the interrogation form that the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service sent to New Mexico elk hunters two weeks ago.

"Dear Hunter: I would appreciate your assistance in completing the enclosed questionnaire.

"Please complete and return in the enclosed postage paid envelope within seven days of receipt. Your completion of this questionnaire should preclude United States Fish and Wildlife Special Agents from meeting with you in person.

"Should you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact Special Agent Kessier at (505) 346-7828. Sincerely, K. Kessier.

"We would like you to read the following instructions very carefully before answering the questions. We would like you to realize that: 1) Every word is important. 2) This is not a draft. Only write your answers once. So, before you write, please think as to how you are going to phrase your answers.

3) Please write your answers as detailed as you can to enable us to understand your side. 4) Use only a pen while writing (no pencils). No typing allowed. 5) Write in clear legible handwriting. 6) Do not make any corrections on the questionnaire. If you feel that you need to change your answers, please do so in the space provided for that purpose, or put the mistaken sentence within parentheses and continue on. Your answers will be taken into consideration.

"We have reached the determination that a Mexican Gray wolf was found dead from a gunshot wound near Unit 15A (Luna, N.M) during the time that you were hunting, Nov., 1998. How would you explain this? Please write in DETAIL your ideas.

"If you were going to conduct this investigation, how would you do it?

"List five of the most important causes that could have created this situation.

"Write in detail about your hunting trip in Unit 15A, beginning from the time you left home until you returned during Nov., 1998.

"Would you like to change any of the information you have provided?

"Before you answer the following questions we would like to inform you that each word of your answers will be evaluated. We would like you to take your time and think before you answer.

"1) Do you know who shot the wolf? 2) Did you shoot the wolf? 3) Did you take part in shooting the wolf?

"1) How do you feel now that you have completed this form? 2) Should we believe your answers to the questions? 3) If your answer to the last question was yes, give us one reason why. 4) What would you say if it was later determined that the answers on this form are not the truth? 5) What were your emotions while filling out this form? 6)Did you feel afraid while completing this form?

7) Did you ever discuss the possibility and reasons for the shooting of the wolf? If yes, with whom? 8) If you were asked to pay for the wolf, how much would you pay?"

Luckily, this state's U.S. senators intervened and the Fish and Wildlife Service will apologize to the hunters who received this insulting questionnaire.

Unless you're an idiot or a would-be tyrant, you should be horrified by this letter. Its premise is that someone is guilty of a crime because of who and what they are. It turns upside down the idea that one is presumed innocent until proven guilty, fosters the idea that we are all guilty of something and wars against freedom and individual rights.

There have always been fascists among us. Who would have thought they'd be in our own government.

Sieg Heil!

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