Help! I can't get that whistling theme music
out of my head! That's just one of many reasons to avoid the movie
version of The X-Files. On TV, the X-Files successfully
exploited the conspiratorial secrets and creepy things lurking
in the dark shadows, but the bright light of big-movie translation
reveals them as rather cheap. Although the film delivers more
special effects and a broader geographic scope, all the promised
Big Answers turn out to be big nonsense, and the relationship
between agents Mulder and Scully remains teasingly chaste (not
to mention stiff). Plus, the plot takes too many asinine steps,
from Mulder's easy discovery of a bomb in a building tastelessly
similar to the one destroyed in Oklahoma, to his quick recovery
from a point-blank gunshot wound to the head. The truth may be
out there, but these aren't the sorts of truths about which The
X-Files is supposed to leave you wondering.
--Woodruff
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