A gangster-noir-comedy that fires blanks all the way through, O'Fallon's feature
debut is a textbook example of the triumph of style of substance: 30 seconds after
the end credits roll, you've already forgotten what you just saw, even though you
may have a nagging suspicion that it sure looked good. Walken plays aging an mafia
boss, Charlie Barrett, who finds himself kidnapped by a quintet of wealthy, Ivy League
college boys intent on using his underworld contacts to secure the release of the
sister of one of the boys, herself a mysterious kidnap victim. Avery Chasten (Thomas)
appears to be the shaky ringleader of this motley band of wannabes, but it's Mohr's
Brett - the hotheaded control freak - who holds all the cards. As Walken sits duct-taped
to a leather chair in nervous Ira's (Galecki) palatial home, he plays, by rote, the
same seething, quiet gangster role that has become his stock in trade over the years.
Leary, as Barrett's right-hand-man Lono Vecchio, manages to inject some fiery rage
into the proceedings as he scours the city in search of his missing boss, but even
his garrulous protestations seem feigned and unimportant. In fact, the whole of Suicide
Kings rests on the narrative crux that the audience is going to give a damn about
the young kidnappers and what happens to them, but their eventual fates aren't nearly
as interesting as trying to imagine how this tedious, unfunny comedy got the go-ahead
in the first place. Granted, all the elements seem to be in place - Walken as the
incapacitated arch-criminal, Leary as the toady, and the kidnapped girl whom you
never really see - but O'Fallon's film is a hollow thing, a skeleton of a plot stripped
of the musculature and synaptic musings that could have made it all worthwhile. Questions
abound: How do these kids know about Walken's boss? In the grand scheme of things,
why kidnap him in the first place? Honestly, what's it all about, Alfie? Not much,
as far as you can tell from Josh McKinney, Gina Goldman, and Wayne Rice's convoluted
and unaffecting scriptwork. Cookie-cutter characterizations and random acts of violence
peppered with the occasional mangled digit and 9mm slug to the cranium do not a suspense
film make. And Suicide Kings' morbid sense of humor does nothing but muddle the film's
overall tone. Comedy? Caper flick? It's all too much, and simultaneously not enough
by a long shot.
--Marc Savlov
Capsule Reviews
Suicide Kings 
Suicide Kings 
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